Operation Fat Girl Slim

Week one is done. I lost 5.5 pounds.

I have learned many things:

• I have a love/hate relationship with Jillian Michaels.
• I may like beans more than I thought.
• It is hard to drink 64 ounces of water a day when you're a teacher.
• I'm old and slow.

I learned that last little gem on Thursday when I decided to let the PE teachers work me out at the Olympics Track and Field Games during after school programs. Here's how it all unfolded. I went out to warm up and the first thing they had me and the 15 kids do was high knee running things down the field and back. Strike one. I did it, but not well. Then I had to do those silly football side slides all the way down and back and then a series of sprints. As I felt my heart stretching to accommodate all the blood my fat body needed to live, and my lungs pull to help my brain stay functioning, I also became aware of the stiffness and pain developing in my knee caps.

But I kept going.

I was assigned to be a part of the Canada team with A and B. A is looking at me sideways thinking, "Great. Old teacher on my team= no medals." B is just smilin'...he has not idea what is about to befall his team.

I had to run a relay. We have no track, so we ran it on the field. The bumpy, full of holes and possible-dog-doo-land-mine-infested field. Anyway, one lap was probably where I should have called it quits, but I had to do 3 laps. Mexico lapped up and A just gave up and walked, but the teachers made me do ANOTHER lap and we came in dead last. I tried to lay down under the tree but they made me get up.

After that, we had to do hurdles. Now I believe that this might have been my undoing. The positives were that I did not knock any over. They were about 12 inches off of the ground, but it was still hard. And I finished the whole thing. The negatives were that the rest of the Canadian team was mad at me. A says, "We didn't win ANYTHING, you know!" Sorry little dude. And the pain in my knees had turned into a stiff and frozen PAIN!!!!!!!! and I had to limp to the car to go pick up AJ. After fighting off the urge to vomit on the way home, I attempted to get out of the car at home. Attempted. I had to sort of flop out with the help of gravity.

AJ thought this was great fun and raced up the steps without me. I pulled myself up by the banister and spent the rest of the evening with ice packs on. I feel much better today, though. But not good enough to go back to the Olympics. Canada wouldn't let me back in, anyway.