18 days

I go back to work on Monday. There about 18 days left of school before summer break and I can be off again. Everyone says it will be good for me. Everyone says I should be excited about doing something "with my mind". I find this statement funny as I think caring for AJ is plenty of work for my mind.
I have mixed feelings about returning. On the postive, I love to teach and I am eager to see my class and see how they have fared without me. I like the end of the year in the fifth grade because there are many fun things to do and projects to work on. I also like preparing them for middle school. I am anxious to see all my co-workers and friends, also.
This paragrpah about the negatives will be much longer. Will AJ wonder where I am and why I left him? Will he take his bottle? Will I be able to provide enough milk while I am working? Will he be mad at me for leaving him? These questions keep me up at night. Then there is the plain fact that I don't want to leave him. I just don't want to go somewhere for 7-8 hours and not take him with me. This has nothing to do with leaving him in the care of others, or whether or not he will eat... I had a baby because I wanted to HAVE A BABY, not leave him and go do something else for the day.
But I must come to grips with going back to work and I better do it quick. And I have to do something about my bad attitude. So until I can work this out for myself, forgive me if I don't want to talk about it, count days left, or discuss how much milk I have pumped. And I am sorry if I sound rude when you ask me, "Isn't it good to be back?" I say, "No." I know it will be good to be back sometime, but not now.