Gut Feelings

Why is that I can generally make good decisions and feel relatively confident in my new parenting skills when AJ is quiet, docile, and in an overall good mood? But when he is screaming and crying all my good sense goes right out the window? Let me share an example with you. This evening as Mike was getting ready to give AJ his bedtime bottle, I remembered I needed to give him his medicine. As I prepared the sickly scented strawberry goo in the little squirter, AJ realized he REALLY WANTED HIS BOTTLE NOW! And preceded to cry his cry that breaks my heart and makes me wonder if I am breaking him. I squirted a little of the stuff into the gaping hole. I knew this was a bad idea, yet my flustered innards did it anyway. AJ started gasping and choking and crying not because he wasn't getting fed, but because I was drowning him in fruit flavored pharmaceuticals.
After sitting him up and patting his back, he recovered- none the worse for wear. I, on the other hand, wondered where the little voice in my head had disappeared to. You know the voice that everyone has that reminds them to look both ways, don't touch hot things without a pot holder, and not to attempt to give a teaspoon of amoxycilin to a crying 5 month old. Maybe I just couldn't hear her over the tears. Maybe I wasn't listening.